On this page you'll find many memorable quotes of the worst, best, and cringiest fanfiction ever, My Immortal. These are by no means all of them, and you might notice the number of quotes here gets smaller as the story progresses. This is mainly because we've already shown them doing the same ridiculous stuff in earlier quotes and because the later chapters are a lot harder to translate into English. Reading these quotes will still give you a pretty accurate view of this epic fanfic though! Enjoy!

Chapter 1-10

  • I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky, I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. - Chapter 3
  • Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). - Chapter 3
  • I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! - Chapter 4
  • And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. - Chapter 4
  • It was…………………………………………………….Dumblydore! - Chapter 4
  • "Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.
  • "How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.
  • And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" - Chapter 5
  • He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko. - Chapter 5
  • Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. - Chapter 8
  • Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. - Chapter 8
  • "What is it that you desire you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.
  • Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Voldemort!- Chapter 9
  • Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged. - Chapter 9
  • "Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. - Chapter 9
  • Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. -Chapter 9
  • "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. -Chapter 9
  • I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. - Chapter 10
  • I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) - Chapter 10
  • “What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.” - Chapter 10

Chapter 11-20

  • Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! - Chapter 11
  • Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. - Chapter 11
  • “Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. - Chapter 11
  • “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!” - Chapter 11
  • “BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. - Chapter 11
  • “NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. - Chapter 12
  • “NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

    “I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. - Chapter 12
  • Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. - Chapter 12
  • “U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?” - Chapter 12
  • I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. - Chapter 12
  • Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. - Chapter 12
  • “Allah Kedavra!” - Chapter 13
  • Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. - Chapter 14
  • “What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. - Chapter 14
  • “Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” - Chapter 14
  • “BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.” (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) - Chapter 16
  • “Kawai.” B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.” - Chapter 16
  • I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. - Chapter 19
  • I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. - Chapter 20
  • “Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo. - Chapter 20
  • Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1

Chapter 21-30

Ebony 9101.JPG
  • “No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.“Its ok Enoby.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”

    “U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. - Chapter 21
  • We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. - Chapter 21
  • “EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. Filth nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1 - Chapter 21
  • It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle’s dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. - Chapter 22
  • “Very well.” Dumbledore said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Enony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.” - Chapter 22
  • The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us. - Chapter 23
  • Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was………Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. - Chapter 23
  • “Eboby…..Ebony…….” Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!” - Chapter 23
  • “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!” - Chapter 23
  • “Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” said Proffesor Sinister. “Bye bitch.” I said waving. - Chapter 24
  • “OMFG Draco Draco!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep. - Chapter 25
  • “Look motherfucker.” he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). “U know very well that I’m not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!” - Chapter 26
  • She said……………………… “Tara, I see drak times are near.” She said badly. She peered into da balls. - Chapter 27
  • “When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?” I shook my head. “U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. - Chapter 27
  • “I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly………………………….“WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!”It was………………………….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111 - Chapter 28
  • “Crosio!” I shouted. - Chapter 29
  • Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 - Chapter 29
  • “What the fuck r u doing!” I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11! - Chapter 30

Chapter 31-44

Goth hogwarts.jpg
  • Then……….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. - Chapter 31
  • It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111 - Chapter 31
  • “yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“‘topic!” I finshed, happy again. He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned. - Chapter 32
  • “I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.” - Chapter 34
  • “Yah Satan told me abot you.” Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire’s dad and………………Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up. - Chapter 35
  • “ORLY.” I ESKED. - Chapter 35
  • “OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Profesor Trevolry. - Chapter 36
  • “Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge. - Chapter 37
  • In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. - Chapter 38
  • And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 - Chapter 38
  • Chapter 39 was hacked and so bloody epic I should quote all of it here, but that would make the page even longer than it already is. So just go read it! =D
  • “Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap! - Chapter 40
  • "Kool" said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. -Chapter 41
  • “You fucking poser.” I muttoned. - Chapter 42
  • “I bet you’ve never herd of GC.” James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly’s tim machine!!!!!11 - Chapter 42
  • “Oh my goth!” Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik) - Chapter 44
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