Chapter Eleven is the eleventh chapter of My Immortal, and one of the most infamous. It features the (very embarrassing and horribly out of character) introduction of Loopin.
Author's note[]
AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!
Plot[]
Ebony, having heard the news of Draco's suicide in the previous chapter, runs from her band, going to her room "crying [her]self". Dumbledore attempts to follow her, but, for fear of being taken as a pervert, does not follow her to her bedroom. In her room, Ebony slits her wrists and gets blood all over her clothes. Because of the mess, she takes off her clothes and gets in the bath, listening to a Linkin Park song as she contemplates suicide with a steak. Instead, she simply gets out of the bath, putting on her clothes.
It is then that she sees, outside her window, Snap and Loopin on their broomsticks, spying on her. Snap holds a video camera, recording her while Loopin "masticates". Ebony screams at them. Suddenly, Vampire appears, casting an Abra Kedavra spell with his wand. At the same time, Ebony pulls out a gun and shoots the two men "a gazillion times". At the end of all this chaos, the only thing that happens is that the lens of the camera breaks.
Suddenly, Dumbledore appears (even though it was earlier said he was afraid to be judged as a pervert for going into her room) to reveal something, only to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" at the sight of Snap and Loopin. He waves his wand at them.
To add to the confusion, Hargrid appears on his broomstick and says they need to talk. The characters aren't convinced he has much to say as he's "just a little Hogwarts student", but Hargrid reveals that he is not only a Hogwarts student, but a Satanist. Snap thinks there "must be other factors", but Ebony reminds him that he doesn't have any.
To Ebony's horror, Loopin reveals that, though the lens are broken, the tape is still good. He then asks Hargrid why he was doing what he was doing, to which Hargrid responses by singing "a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent" and revealing that he loves Ebony.
Inconsistencies and divergences from canon[]
- Hargrid, if meant to be Hagrid, cannot be a "HOGWARTS STUDENT", as not only is he above the age, but he has also been previously expelled from it. In the original series, he is the school's groundskeeper and, from the third book onwards, the Care for Magical Creatures teacher.
- Hargrid was just seen as being a part of Enobby's band, yet here, they seem to barely know each other.
- There are issues with Hagrid and Cedric being confused by Tara.
- Hargrid is also described as a "little" Hogwarts student, even though Hagrid is not only fully-grown, he is half giant.
- Canonically, the Slytherin Common Room and dorms are located in the Hogwarts dungeons and underneath the Hogwarts lake. However, Ebony's room appears to be located somewhere else as Snap, Loopin, and Hargrid spend this chapter hanging around outside Ebony's window on broomsticks.
- The real Snape and Lupin are historically at odds and would not team up for perverse activities.
- It isn't made clear if Ebony's gun is the one Voldemort gave her.
- In canon, Harry Potter adamantly refused using the killing curse Avada Kedavra, as he was against killing his enemies. Even having to kill Voldemort was a big deal to him. In this chapter, Harry ''Vampire'' Potter eagerly wants to murder Snap and Loopin, using Abra Kedabra..
- Once Ebony exits the shower, it is stated that she puts on clothes, but when she spots Snap and Loopin outside her window, she grabs a for a towel, despite already being dressed.
Notable quotes[]
One of the most infamous typos.
- Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.
- Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!
- “Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
- “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
- “This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.” “YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.
- “Because I LOVE HER!”