I'm Not Okay is a fanfic written by Raven, originally hosted on her fanfic.net profile. While she was helping Tara with My Immortal, she worked on her own story. While featuring superior grammar and spelling, and slightly more consistency with the Harry Potter canon, it still features many of the same tropes that My Immortal used, i.e. goths and preps. It seems both girls liked using the middle name 'Dementia' for their main characters.
Also, Raven inserted a mutual friend of theirs called Filly in the story as 'Shadow', presumably yet another goth in their social circle. This is the same 'Fily' that Tara once thanked in a later Author's Note. Whether this Filly wrote any stories of her own is unknown.
It lasted for five chapters, and judging by the Author's Note in Ghost of You, Raven got bored while writing the story, around the same time she and Tara had a falling out and wrote-out their friend's self-inserts (Willow for Raven, Elvira for Tara).
Chapter 1: Helena[edit | edit source]
Fifteen-year-old Eternity Demen'tia Johnson warily took a seat on the Hogwarts Express. As she did so, she heard many giggles in the air. Ugh. Stupid preps. Eternity had hoped she wouldn't see any when she came to Hogwarts. They had made her life in Los Angeles High School miserable. Now she was supposed to put up with them here? She sighed sadly, and stared out of the window. In her misery, she took her iPod out of her Emily the Strange bag and blared on some My Chemical Romance (A/N: Don't they rock?).
Oh great. Now even more preps were giving her dirty looks. Eternity tried her best to ignore them. t wasn't because Eternity was dirty or deformed or anything. Maybe it was something to do with her black leather corset, or her ripped black miniskirt or her black combat boots or the metal music she was listening to. Eternity hated how people judged her like that just because she was a goth.
She was beautiful, with long raven black hair with red streaks, deathly pale ivory skin and piercing blue eyes that would make any goth man's heart beat like a subway train. She was skinny, but had curves in the right places. But her eyes still bore the sadness of the scars of her tragic past.
When she was two, Eternity's parents (she was a pureblood) had committed suicide by slitting their wrists. She was adopted when she was five, but all was not well. Her new life was hell. She was constantly abused, beat and raped by her new parents. Every night she would sit down and cry in her bed. Even at school, she was always being bullied. Her life was totally fucked-up and she couldn't stand it.
When she was eleven, she kept getting mail and stuff from Hogwarts but her adopted parents wouldn't let her go. Finally, at fourteen, she was forced to run away.
Anyway, Eternity saw someone trying to sit down next to her. She jumped to her feet. "Get the fuck out of here you fucking bastard!" she shouted. "What's wrong?" asked the person. Suddenly Eternity felt calmed down. The person had a very low, sexy voice. "Oh, I'm sorry!" Eternity apologized. "It's alright. Now can I at least fucking sit here?" asked the boy. "Fine." said Eternity. The boy sat down. Eternity looked at his face. He was extremely hot. He had long dyed black hair and blue eyes.
"What's you're name?" asked Eternity. "Draco." he said. "That's an unusual name. But I guess I can't fucking talk. My name's Eternity." said Eternity. "Cool." said Draco. Draco and Eternity shook hands. "How old are you?" Eternity wanted to know. "Fifteen. How about you?" asked Draco. "Same." Then, the train stopped and Draco and Eternity had to separate.
Chapter 2: The Beautiful People[edit | edit source]
a/n: if ur a prep, DON'T READ THIS STORY. If you're not please help me out by suggesting some goth bands and movies for me to reference. Thanx
After the train ride Eternity and the other students got off the train. Eternity was shocked. In front of her was a beautiful castle. A very tall bearded man asked them to follow him into little boats.
Eternity and the others trooped inside the big castle. "Is this the school?" she asked a fourth-year next to her. "It's beautiful." said Eternity. "You think that's beautiful?" a preppy first-year girl with blonde hair wearing a Hilary Duff t-shirt asked. "Why the fuck not?" Eternity asked defensively. "Yuck, it looks scary to me." said the girl and Eternity rolled her eyes. "Ignore her. She's just another stuck-up prep." said another girl next to Eternity.
Eternity looked at the girl. She was pretty and she looked about fifteen and had long black hair with purple streaks up to her waist with one forest-green eye and one blue one. She was wearing a long flowing black dress under her school uniform and fishnets and combat boots underneath that. "What's your name?" Eternity asked her. "Fillipa (a/n: Filly there's a shout-out 2 u girlfriend!) Clarke. Call me Filly if you want. But my middle name's Shadow. You could call me that too." she said. They shook hands. Then they had to separate because Eternity had to follow Hagrid and the first-years into a magnificent hall. Banners were draped everywhere and there were four long tables in the room.
An old man with a long beard introduced himself. "I am Professor Dumbledore. Welcome back." he said. He made a long speech and then he brought out an old wrinkly hat to sort them into houses. "Let the sorting begin!" he announced. Eternity gasped then, because the hat burst into song. after he sang the song, everyone clapped. The sound of applause filled the large room. Some people went down to be sorted.
When it was Eternity's turn, she sat down nervously on the wooden chair and her heart beat like thunder. "Slytherin!" shouted the hat. Happiness filled Eternity. How could it be?
Draco looed at her his grey blue eyes filled with joy. Eternity shrugegd and sat down at the Slytherin table next to Shadow. The night went on and Hogwarts had a feast. Meanwhile Shadow introduced Eternity to her friends. (Draco was one of them.) She pointed to a girl with long purple hair with black tips wearing ripped jeans and an Atreyu t-shirt (a/n: that's u, Tara!). "That's Elvira." she said. Then she introduced Eternity to another boy with black hair and green eyes. "Hey, bitch." grinned Elvira. "And that's Darren. He's a half-vampire." she said, pointing to the boy. "Hi." said Darren.
The four of them talked about Marilyn Manson and the Underworld movies for a while and made fun of Christina Aguilera and Hilary Duff. Then, it was time to go to the dormitories.
Chapter 3: Duality[edit | edit source]
a/n: look, I don't care when the f Harry Potter is in my version it takes place now. BTW, please come up with some goth bands and movies If u notice I used some of the gothic bands! PS: NO PREPS.
After dinner Eternity had to go back into a line with the first-years (she was part of them but much older) and Draco and another girl lead them upstairs into the Slytherin dorm. (a/n: in this story Draco and Pansy r cousins.) Eternity got to go to the front of the line to talk to Draco. She plunged her booted feet onto the stone floor and did so until she was at the front of the line.
The other girl talking to Draco was had long ebony locks with blue streaks in them. She wore lots of white foundation and black eyeliner. She looked just like the girl in Linkin Park's video for Crawling.
(a/n: Eternity looks more like Amy Lee.) "What's your name?" Eternity asked. "I'm Pansy Parkinson. Well, that's what my motherfucking parents called me. Call me Sea." she replied. "And I'm Eternity." said Eternity. Draco just smiled shyly at Eternity through his silvery-blue eyes and black hair.
They walked upstairs to the dorms. Eternity couldn't help noticing that the castle looked a lot like the one in Dracula. As she, Draco, Sea and the first-years went up the stairs, a lot of preps from other houses stared at them looking scared.
A girl with brown hair and brown eyes kept staring at them. She was talking (probably about cheerleading or some shit like that) with a girl with long blonde hair. Eternity stuck her middle finger up at the girls. The girls gasped, their eyes got big, and they turned around. "Who the hell were they?" Eternity asked Draco. "Hermione Granger. The girl next to her was Luna Lovegood." said Draco. "They're such goddamn bitches." said Sea. "And the biggest fucking preps ever." added Draco. Eternity couldn't help but agree.
They stopped at a portrait. It was of a girl with pale skin, long black hair, and black nails. She was the splitting image of the lead singer of Sisters of Mercy. "What the fuck? Why aren't we at the door?" asked Eternity. "Password?" asked the girl. "Bleeding kisses." Draco said to the girl. "Correct." said the girl and the portrait swung back to reveal a hole The first-years, Draco and Sea stepped inside. Eternity did too.
Suddenly, she was face-to-face with Gerard Way. "Oh my fucking god! I so fucking love your band!" she screamed. "Huh?" asked Gerard. "Hold on, hold on. That's not Gerard." Elvira laughed. "That's Satan. Everybody says he looks like Gerard." said Shadow. "Not that that's a bad thing!" said Darren. "Dude, I <em>love</em> MCR." said Satan laughingly. Eternity smiled and shook their pallid hands.
Satan had long black hair up to his chin, just like Gerard.His eyes were pale blue and misty, like tears Eternity cried every night. He wore black eyeliner and black nail polish.
"Do you happen to like Slipknot or Sisters of Mercy?" asked Eternity in a flirty voice. "They kick ass!" agreed Satan. He and Eternity immediately began talking. The night went on really well. Eternity and her new friends talked about bands like Slipknot, MCR, Evanescence, GC, Marilyn Manson, Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, Dead Can Dance, Christian Death, Joy Division, the Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Clan of Xymox, Fields of the Nephilim, Southern Death Cult, 45 Grave, X-mal Deutschland, Garden of Delight. They all agreed that they rocked and they all hated shitty pop bands like BSB and Play.
They used razors to slit their wrists when they felt depressed. The crimson regret flowed out on their pale white skin. They gave each other makeovers with black eyeliner, white foundation and lipstick and they read Dracula and Point Horror books out loud to each other with all the lights turned out and only flashlights.
Eternity felt overjoyed. Just a week ago she had been the only person in her school who had dyed black hair and black eyeliner instead of lip gloss and blonde hair, liked Slipknot or Linkin Park or MCR rather than Hilary Duff or Destiny's Child, slit her wrists, thought about suicide, shopped at Hot Topic instead of Limited Too, swore, or was depressed. Now there were so many wonderful people just like her. She was ecstatic.
Chapter Four: Bring me to Life[edit | edit source]
Eternity woke up the next morning. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and then went to her closet. She put on a long black dress that was all ripped and torn, with pink stuff underneath (kind of like the one Amy Lee wore to the Grammies) and then put on big black combat boots. Shadow, Elvira and Sea all got up and
"You are so lucky, bitch." moaned Shadow while she put on her own clothes (a long black dress with a corset at the top, pointy high-heeled boots, and fishnets). "You have such a great body." added Sea, putting on a ripped black dress with no sleeves that looked exactly like the one the lead singer of her favorite goth band had worn to the MTV awards that year. (Elvira put on a long black velvet dress with crimson lace.)
Eternity laughed but secretly she knew what her friends meant. They were all skinny, but not as much as her, and they all had size-B bras.
She sadly put her hair up in a messy half-bun (kind of like Amy Lee has in the video for 'Going Under.') put on tons of eyeliner and black lipstick, and went downstairs with her friends.
At the breakfast table, she ate Count Chocula cereal and drank red wine even though it was only breakfast. Darren had made a request for human blood, so he drank that and let his friends try some.
They all clinked their glasses. "To depression." said Eternity.
"To darkness." said Satan.
"To vampires." said Sea.
"To heavy metal music." said Shadow.
"To Eternity." said Draco.
Everyone started giggling, except for Draco. Eternity's pale complexion turned red. Everyone went off to their classes. Eternity hated all of the classes, even though she was good at them.
In Transfiguration class, Eternity had to sit next to a bunch of giggling blonde girls. Their teacher, Professor McGonagall made a speech, and then made them practice transfiguration on a bunch of ants they would try to turn into pencils.
Everyone was trying, but it didn't work for them. Suddenly, Eternity found herself pointing to the ant and saying a spell… Suddenly, the ant turned into a gigantic black unicorn with huge black wings and flew out the window. Everyone in the room gasped. Later, Professor McGonagall had a talk with Eternity. "Eternity, you are being moved up to your fifth year." she said.
Chapter Five: In the Shadows[edit | edit source]
a/n: TARA IS DA BIGGEST FUCKING BITCH EVER AND BY THE WAY I'M A BIGGER MCR FAN AND GERARD IS MINE 4EVA SO FUCK U! AND I'M NOT GIVING U UR SWEATER BACK!
Eternity was so happy. She went to class with the other fifth-years, Sea, Draco, Shadow, Darren and Satan. That fucking retard Elvira (whose real name was Lindsay like that fucking ho Lindsay Loan) had gone all the way back to first-year and they put her in Gryffindor where all the retarded preps were because she couldn't even write properly and she had to get all her friends 2 do it for her.
Anyway, Eternity woke up from her dark slumber and got ready for the coming day, which she hated so much. She put on a black leather minidress with black fishnets and black pointy boots. She put some blue streaks in her shower of flowing black raven locks. Then she put on some mascara, white foundation, black lipstick, and eyeliner. Allt the gothic bois starred at her, their piercing blue eyes getting wide.
All the preps did too but for a different reason. She put up your middle finger at them. Then anyway she put on sum MCR music. She plunged her black feet the stone cold ground and walked to Transfiguration.
"Hello everyone." said Professor McGonagall staring at them out of her giant eyes. "You will all be doing something different this time. You will all have partners." She made everyone find a partner. Eternity's partner was… Draco!