Kidnapped at Birth

"Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it."

―Chapter 8

"Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash."

―Chapter 17

As the above quotes demonstrate, if you have a slight suspicion that you may fit in with the vampires, you were probably kidnapped at birth. Your true parents, now deceased, were actually vampires, but some damn Muggles decided to go steal you from them. Because, you know, vampires would totally let their children get kidnapped by powerless Muggles.

Future of the victim

You will end up going to Hogwarts in England, where you'll luckily not be on your own. About half of the current Hogwarts population are vampires. You will not be accepted as a proper member if you do not memorize all songs by My Chemical Romance and Good Charlotte, and have the scars on your wrist to prove you're emo. Sorry, goff!

You have a lovely life of wrist cutting, French kissing, sex and eating cereals with blood ahead of you!