My Immortal is the magnum opus of Tara Gilesbie. It is a Harry Potter fanfiction that was originally posted to FanFiction.net between 2006 and 2007. It ran for 44 chapters (plus one that was posted when someone hacked Tara's account) before Tara inexplicably stopped updating. Fans of the series have written My Immortal: The Sequel, mocking the original's story's plot.
For reasons best known to themselves, the admins of ff.net deleted My Immortal from their archives in 2008. Later that year, it was reposted to a new site ; however, it is now frozen, and it is unknown whether the site's owners will attempt to bring it back. They did bring it back to
http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/, but the link is now frozen. You can now find it at: https://www.wattpad.com/story/5137158-my-immortal
You can also find good sources of information on TV Tropes and a certain NSFW wiki that we're not allowed to mention but you might be able to guess the name of.
This "amazing" story is being translated into Spanish by Yo123, who, besides bringing to all the Latin readers this epic plot, also analyzes it, and adds some funny comments. If you want to read them, you can find the translation here.
My Immortal's "story" covers the seventh year of Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way at Hogwarts School in England, as well as the lives of her Goth friends, especially Draco Malfoy and Vampire Potter. There is something of a love triangle between Enoby, Draco, and Vampire, because Draco and Vampire are both bisexual and apparently sex addicts. Others become temporarily involved in the saga of love and sex. In addition, Vlodemort wants Enoby to shoot Vampire. Why he didn't just have her curse Vampire, or do so himself, remains unknown. Eventually, Ebony embarks on a mission to stop Voldemort from becoming evil by traveling through time and seducing a teenage Voldemort.
There are a number of characters mentioned in My Immortal, but only a handful have any real significance. More specifically, only Enoby and the characters who obsess over her/follow her around are important. Most of these characters are also vampires. Many of these characters have confessed their love to Ebony, been called pedos or posers or what have you, and some characters have also committed suicide just to return the next chapter. Or otherwise survived the killing curse, hilariously referred to as "Abra Kedabra" and more botched up names. Let's also not forget how Ebony and Vlodemort seem to be perfectly fine after having "Imperius" (Imperio) and "Crookshanks" (Crucio) cast on each other.
Tara is notoriously incompetent when it comes to spelling and grammar, much less real writing. As such, the names of her characters vary wildly from chapter to chapter, and sometimes even within chapters. The spellings used here are the most common and/or funny versions.
- Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way - Enoby is the main character of the story. She is very beautiful and skilled at many things, to the point that she wonders why she has to be so perfect. Her physical appearance, musical tastes, and crushes are all based on the author's. In case you still don't get what sort of character she is, we leave you with this quote:
- "Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me. I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't worry enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.
- Draco Malfoy - One of the few characters to have the same name as in the original. Enoby's primary love interest, though he sometimes has hot gay sex with Vampire (clearly our author is anything but a homophobe). Committed suicide but was revealed to be held "bondage" by Vlodemort.
- Harry "Vampire" Potter - Vampire is a Goth, Satanist, bisexual, and probably an emo as well. This would be an interesting combination of characteristics that could potentially give rise to an interesting character if it didn't describe every other male character in the series too. The author makes no secret of her sexual fantasies.
- B'loody Mary Smith - Loosely based on Hermione Granger from the original, but with the most unrecognizable name of the lot, including an unexplainable apostrophe. Like Enoby she is a Goth and a Vampire, and they are members of the same band. The author gives a half-hearted nod to canon by saying that B'loody Mary switched from Gryffindor to Slytherin at some point before the story begins.
- Ron "Diabolo" Weasley - Another Gryffindor-come-Slytherin who has turned goffick and joined Enoby's band, Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Since he is a male, he is probably also bisexual.
- Albert Dumblydore - The
HeadmasterPrincipal of Hogwarts School. Known for mysteriously popping up wherever Enoby is (probably a stalker) and yelling expletives in ALL CAPS when he gets headaches. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS?
- Snap and Loopin - A pair of pedophiles (OMG so creepy, says Tara) who try to film Enoby while she taking a bath. Later, for some reason, they are found having very public sex in the middle of a large room while a random house elf watches them. Loopin is also known for "masticating" when horny.
- Vlodemort aka Tom Satan Bombodil/Andorson - The Dark Lord (but not Satan, because that's who most of the main characters worship) who wants to see Vampire Potter dead but can't be bothered to do it himself. Crashing emo rock concerts is a much better use of a Dark Lord's time. Also seems to prefer guns to magic.
- Snaketail - Vlodemort's assistant who experiences love at first sight when meeting Enoby. His age was arbitrarily changed to 16 so that he wouldn't seem as creepy as Snap and Loopin.
- Hargrid - Falls in love with Enoby after meeting her. He's also had his age moved down (he's a student), presumably for the same reason as Snaketail. This notwistanding, he will remind you, HE IS A SATANIST. What a surprise.
- Willow - The author insert of Raven to go along with Tara's Enoby. Expelled off-screen when Raven and Enoby got into an argument, but makes a few random appearances after the author and "editor" apparently made up.
- Tom Rid - A gothic bisexual clothes salesman who has no connection to Voldemort, despite being called Tom Riddle on one occasion. His only contribution to the narrative is giving Ebony free clothes because she looks hot in them.
- Profesor Sinister/Trevolry - A professor who teaches the Deviation class at Hogwarts. She is goffik, and thus has a good relationship with the protagonist. She is also the most careless, ignorant, and unqualified teacher ever to be assigned to an educational position. Is addicted to Volxemortsereum.
- Professor McGoggle - The professor of Hair of Magical Magic Creatures class at Hogwarts. According to her, Ebony and Vampire are "HORNY SIMPLETONS".
- Serious Blak and Lucian Malfoy - A pair of adult goffs, the former being the caretaker of Vampire and the later the father of Draco. Both are shot several times by a black guy in the town of Longdon, yet survive.
- Britney - A disgusting prep from Griffindoor House, and the rival of Enoby.
- Main article: Themes
- Main article: Spelling
My Immortal is written in a very original style. Perhaps the most original aspect is Tara Gilesbie's unique take on the English language. Her author's notes are usually a bunch of unreadable garbage, typically ranting at "pozrs" and "flamming." A very strong "fuk u!!" to everyone for not giving her "god revoiws." My Immortal is a prime example of rebellion against the tyranny of dictionaries and grammar Nazis. Tara also employs a revolutionary technique in fanfiction wherein she blurs the lines between her comments to the audience (Author Notes) and the actual story. Through having her characters give messages to her fans, or revealing key story elements in commentaries, Tara has put herself on the cutting edge of avant-garde storytelling.
To admire some selections from My Immortal, check out our quotes page.
My Immortal represents just about every example of what NOT to do when writing, fanfiction or otherwise. It should be required reading for all high school English courses.
And, no, My Immortal never explains exactly what "an immortal" is, nor how it belongs to the speaker.
|Moar info: Chapters 1-11||Moar info: Chapters 12-22|
|Moar info: Chapters 23-33||Moar info: Chapters 34-44|